


Somewhere

by LittleSweetCheeks



Category: Madam Secretary
Genre: AU, Adoption, F/M, Family, Family Dynamics, Past Relationships, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:40:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26603104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSweetCheeks/pseuds/LittleSweetCheeks
Summary: Elizabeth carries a secret that almost no one else knows. One day, one question and that secret unravels what she's created.
Relationships: Elizabeth McCord/Henry McCord, Yousif Obaid/Elizabeth McCord
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

** November 1984- **

“Shh! Come on, Joey!” She dragged him through the doorway and out onto the roof. “No one will find us up here.” It was Thanksgiving break and the campus was nearly empty of students.

“This is such a bad idea, Lizzie!” He laughed once the door latched shut. “You seriously want to do this out here? In the cold?”

Her grin lit up the night. “I brought blankets. And we can keep each other warm.” She threw her arms around him neck, pulling him into a kiss. “Come on, Joey. Under the stars? It’ll be so romantic.” She trailed her hand down his chest, trying to do what she thought was seductive. “Please?”

He huffed, already aware he would do anything for her even as he pretended to consider saying no. “Fine, you beautiful, crazy girl.” He pulled her close and pressed a kiss to her lips.

=MS=

** May 1985- **

Lizzie sat on the couch and listened to her Aunt angrily rant about what she’d done.

“How could you ruin your future like this? You’re an Adams! That means something! And now to throw it all away for some boy you won’t even tell me the name of?”

“I’m sorry.” She ducked her head, her arms curled around her swollen belly. She’d lied and hidden her condition at school until the term ended, but once she’d gotten to her aunt’s house for the summer, she knew she had to admit the truth. Well, part of the truth, she wasn’t about to admit the whole truth. From what Joey had told her, it would be a serious problem for both of them if his parents or anyone back home found out, so they agreed to never tell a soul.

“You’re sorry? Well, you’re going to be sorrier because I think the best thing for you and this baby is to give it up for adoption. I’ll make some calls, so I hope you aren’t sitting there believing you’ll just have this charmed life as a teen mother. That’s not how the real world works.”

“I understand.” And a tiny part of herself did. She didn’t agree and really wasn’t happy about it, but it wasn’t like she had parents to support her when she went off to college, so her choices now were let her aunt call or kiss college and her future goodbye. “Can you find a family and everything?” She met her aunt’s gaze, her blue eyes taking in the way the woman seemed surprised she hadn’t put up more of a fight. “It’s for the best.”

=MS=

** August 1985- **

Lizzie lay in the hospital bed alone. He aunt had gone home already, had left shortly after the baby had been delivered and Lizzie had been moved to a new room. The baby had been taken to the nursery to wait for the family to arrive. She looked up when a nurse came in to check on her.

“Did you at least get to see the baby?” The nurse asked gently as she went about her business.

“No. My aunt said it was for the best. I don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl.”

“Would you like to know?”

Lizzie thought a minute. “I think so.” She watched the nurse think about it a minute.

“It’s a boy. You know, you can have a photo of him if you want. I could get one for you. What you’re going through is brave and hard and a lot of other things, but you still should get to remember him when you’re ready. One day you’ll be ready.”

“I- I’d like that.” Lizzie agreed. When the nurse arrived later, a polaroid in hand, she tried to memorize that little face in the photo, that little boy that they’d created.


	2. Chapter 2

** Fall 2010- **

The first thing she noticed about him when she walked into the classroom was that he was the only student in the front row, hands folded behind his head so his elbows stuck out and legs sprawled into the open space in front of him. He had a relaxed but slightly cocky grin on his face, like he expected this to be easy. He was clearly a student used to being the winner. The next thing she realized was that he had turned up prepared already for the course.

By the end of that first class, Elizabeth discovered she might actually like Blake Moran. He laughed at her jokes and wasn’t afraid to crack a few of his own as well. The others in the class had their normal first-day nerves, but he seemed to not have a care in the world. After class was over and she was alone to pack up, Elizabeth realized that Blake’s laid back personality and unabashed interest in the course material, the way he had been the only student to know which sections she had referenced, reminded her of the way Joey had always been- engaged, funny, unabashed in any of his pursuits.

Walking back to her office, she let her mind wander off to Joey, she hadn’t seen him since Stevie was an infant some sixteen years ago, it had been a chance meeting when a CIA contact had mentioned that the Prince would be in London while Elizabeth was already there on unofficial business, her family along. They’d talked mostly about their current lives and little else; not that they would’ve discussed anything else, especially where Henry or anyone else could hear. Sometimes it was as if that moment in her life had been a dream that only she had experienced. Not a soul left alive, except for Joey, knew about that summer after high school or the relationship they’d had. Not a soul could know. She had to carry it alone.

Sinking into her desk chair, Elizabeth let her head fall back, eyes closing as she tried to think about the dinner in London, the way Joey had looked so happy as he’d talked about his new wife and everything he hoped to achieve one day. At least one of them would have the power to change the world, power that he likely wouldn’t have been getting if that year at Houghton had been made public. She let herself wonder for the first time in years where that baby would be today. She used to imagine that the life he got with his new family allowed him to maybe travel the world, live comfortably and have access to the kinds of things she wouldn’t have been able to provide him. She wondered if he would have Joey’s dark features and those deep brown eyes or if he would’ve turned out fair and blond like her. In the early years, before Stevie and the other two came along, she’d daydreamed about that baby more often, but then real life filled her world and kept her too busy to chase after an imaginary child as well.

“Professor McCord?”

Elizabeth opened her eyes, to find Blake leaned against her doorway. “Blake!” She grinned when he seemed surprised she remembered his name already. “Let me guess, you want to drop the class?”

“What? No!” He laughed. “I made it almost to my car and realized I forgot to leave my information sheet on your desk on the way out.” He held up a single sheet of paper. “I guess first day got to me after all and it slipped my mind.”

“I suppose I can forgive it once.” She grinned, taking the page. “But I generally have a rule that I don’t accept anything late.”

“I promise it will never happen again.” He bid goodbye and vanished down the hall.

Elizabeth sat back again, for the first time wondering instead what her life might be like if she’d kept that baby. If she’d tried to muddle through and raise the baby on her own, would she have gone to college? Would she have been able to work at the CIA, would Henry have given her the time of day if they’d met at all? By the time they got married, the baby would have been nearly school-aged, Stevie would have a brother a decade older than her, if she’d have had any of them at all.

Shaking the musings away, she decided it was time to go see if Henry had finished his last class so they could head home together. Standing, she picked up Blake’s information sheet and added it to the others to be put into a file later.

=MS=

Elizabeth was laughing so hard she could barely finish telling Henry the story, a glass of wine sloshing dangerously in her hand. “And Ethan stood there swearing that his facts were right, he wasn’t backing down. Then Blake got this smug grin and I just knew whatever he was about to retort was going to just lay Ethan flat, but Ethan wouldn’t listen to the rest of the class that he was wrong.” Laughter shook her body again, making her cut off. The semester was halfway over, and she was curled up with Henry for the evening. She sipped her wine and finished the story, leaning back against his chest.

“Does this mean you’re getting a fan club as well now?” Henry asked when she’d finished, amused that it seemed the tables were turning. “Because I’m remembering all the ways you’ve staked your claim over the years and it might be time that I need to start staking mine.”

“I don’t have a fan club! How can you not realize the way all those girls look at you? Believe me, Henry, there are not that many young women obsessed with world religions. I don’t think Blake counts as a fan club.”

“He could count as the start of one.” He teased. “One student, one class, and then before you know it, they’re taking everything you teach.”

She twisted slightly so she could face him. “Well… He is planning to take the next section in the spring if it fits in his schedule.”

“You mean if your course specifically fits in his schedule.” He laughed. “See! He’ll be around until he graduates now, just you wait and see.”

“I was actually considering asking him about being my TA once Jenna graduates. Aside from the first day, he’s actually really well organized and he misses almost nothing.” She chuckled. “He would probably rock at those games where you have to keep track of the item under the cup. I swear the other day he kept track of my pen every time I laid it down during class because every time I went looking for it again, he knew exactly where it was.”

“That’s… impressive. Maybe he could teach you to do that.”

She elbowed him playfully. “I’m not that bad!”

“You so are! Speaking of losing things? Have you seen Alison since dinner?”

“Umm…” Elizabeth looked around for her middle child. “I think she went to her room to work on homework.”

=MS=

After midterms, Elizabeth was surprised to see Blake strolling into her office during her office hours looking, for once, somewhat nervous. “What can I help you with, Blake?”

“Um, it’s about the term paper? I had something I’d really like to do, but it wasn’t within your list of suggestions.”

“Okay. Give it to me and we’ll see what I think.” She waved for him to sit.

“I was in finance for undergrad.” He explained, dropping his bag to his feet. “So almost all my knowledge is funding, finance, those sorts of things and I was thinking that maybe I could attack the paper from that angle, you know? How these events were funded from the various sides. I thought it might be more comfortable as my first paper within Poli-Sci instead of finance.”

“If it’s comfortable, you’re not really learning, Blake.”

“Oh.” He deflated; it was a fair point.

“Tell you what, I’ll think on it. I don’t need topics turned in for another two weeks, so you have plenty of time. Get through the next few assignments and really wow me with what you know, show me it’s worth letting you do this, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good.” She dismissed him. “I expect to see wonderful work, Blake.” As he left, her mind wandered once again to the idea that had been plaguing her all semester, that her students, and Blake in particular, were about the same age as the baby she gave away. It was in the small moments in class, these small times when he stopped by her office, that her mind ran away with the idea that he could have been that baby in another life. She knew she would let him write the paper he wanted, she struggled to say no and not indulge his every interest, but in her mind, she also wanted him to work hard and succeed, just like her other children.

=MS=

Henry looked up from his desk as his wife strolled in, it was finals week and they were both exhausted. “How was your day?”

“Good.” She sagged into a chair. “You?”

“Fine enough.” He studied her. “What’s up?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Babe…”

Elizabeth sighed. “I got an email about twenty minutes before my last class from Blake asking if he could sit his final on another day.”

By now, Henry was used to hearing about his wife’s current favorite student and though he hadn’t met the young man yet, he got the impression he was pretty responsible. Ducking out of the final sounded entirely out of character. “Did he say why?”

“Family emergency. He didn’t go into details and something about the whole thing made me not ask. He said he’d understand if I couldn’t allow it and that he knew missing would affect his grade.”

“So, are you going to allow it?”

She frowned. “I want to. He’s been an exceptional student otherwise and…”

“And you like him.” He chuckled softly. “Hey, I get it. Every once in a while, I get an amazing student who just blows me away too, and if they suddenly had something come up, I’d want to help them out as well if I could.” He rose and moved to stand behind her, kneading her shoulders. “Is that the only thing on your mind? You’ve seemed distracted more than normal this semester.”

“Umm…” She considered his question. For some reason, thoughts and memories of Joey had surfaced repeatedly alongside her fantasies about Blake, and she found herself occasionally comparing an odd mannerism or comment from Blake to him. It was silly, she knew. But something inside her had just jumped onto wanting that to be true and hadn’t let up, no matter how much she’d tried to shake it. “It’s nothing. Really. I should email Blake back and let him know he can sit his final later in the week.”

“Or you could call him?” Henry suggested. “If you email, you’ll obsess all night until you hear back.” Henry had watched the change all semester in how his wife had talked about her student. She’d been genuinely delighted at his aptitude in the fall, but now she spoke of him in almost a maternal manner. He decided it made a little sense, the age difference was enough that he could’ve been Stevie’s sibling in the right circumstances.

Elizabeth sighed. “You’re right.” Stretching forward, she dialed Blake’s number from memory, surprised when the line connected and how flat his voice sounded. “Blake? It’s Professor McCord.”

There was a pause and she could practically imagine him trying to shift gears from whatever had had his attention prior. “Yeah, right.”

“You can sit the final whenever would be good for you.” She started in, unsure if he was even hearing her.

“Oh.” The pause drew out long enough that she could hear the background sounds. “Thank you, but… I may have to just take the zero.”

Elizabeth frowned, catching Henry’s attention as he moved closer, trying to work out what was wrong. “I’d hate for it to come to that, Blake. What’s going on? Are- are you at a hospital?”

She heard him sigh. “My mother got rushed to the hospital last night. I- I’m not really sure how long I’m going to be here.”

She met Henry’s eyes. “Will she be okay?” She caught Henry mouth, asking what was wrong.

“I don’t know. The doctors didn’t seem to be able to tell us anything.”

“Well, I’ll tell you what. I’ll let the right person know here on campus and you’ll have a chance to finish out your classes when you get back. You don’t need to be trying to handle finals when you’re dealing with something that serious.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

“And you call me if you need anything, okay? I mean it Blake. Do you have other family there?”

“My dad is here; he’s been sitting with her most of the time though.”

“And it’s just you and him?”

“Yes.”

She sighed, feeling for him in that moment. “And where are you? I mean, where do they live?” In all the conversations they’d had over the few months since he’d started in her class, she realized now that she never asked about his family.

“She’s in Massachusetts General. I drove up as soon as my dad called, got here this morning.”

“Okay. And you’re taking care of yourself too, right? That’s a long drive. You’ve slept some and you’ve remembered to eat?” She waited for him to respond before continuing. “Don’t worry about classes, Blake, just be there with your parents, okay? And call me and keep me updated. I want to hear from you, so I know you’re okay.” When he ended the call, she placed the phone in the cradle and looked up at Henry again. “His mom was rushed to the hospital, he just sounded so absolutely devastated.”

“He’ll be okay. Come on, let’s get home.” He pulled her to her feet. “I’m sure he’ll call if he needs something.”

=MS=

Against her request, Elizabeth didn’t hear from Blake the remainder of the week, she was distracted worrying about him as the rest of finals carried on. It wasn’t until late in the afternoon on the next Saturday that she heard from him again when he called to say he was back in Charlottesville. Something in the way his voice caught had her insisting that instead of heading back to the place she knew he was renting on his own just off campus, he come out to the farm so they could talk in person. She was waiting outside, bundled in a coat, when he pulled up in the waning light and climbed out of his car, dragging himself toward the door. She could see in his face that something was very wrong. “Come in, Blake. Have you eaten?” It was so easy to see a lost little boy in him then.

He shook his head. “I’m okay.” He trailed behind her into the unfamiliar house, giving a token protest when she asked Henry to put together a plate for him as she had him sit at the kitchen table. “Thank you.” He attempted to smile when the meal was placed in front of him.

“You didn’t keep me updated.” She pressed gently. “How’s your mom?” The question seemed to garner no reaction for a moment and then she watched as his eyes squeezed shut and sobs began to wrack his body. Giving Henry a pleading look, she wrapped Blake in a hug, unsure exactly what had happened over the past week but having a good guess as to how it ended.

When he seemed to run out of tears, Blake pulled back, wiping his face with one hand as he nudged away the plate of uneaten food with the other. “Sorry.”

Elizabeth looked up at Henry, helpless as to what to say or do next; worried that anything might set him off again. Before she could try, though, Blake seemed to pull himself together slightly with a deep breath and the whole week poured out from the call he’d received from his father to the harried drive and then the days in the hospital before he very quietly shared that his mother had passed, the funeral had been the day before. As he spoke, she could hear the absolute devastation in his voice, he’d had a special relationship with his mom, and he was missing her dearly.

It seemed Henry caught on as well, because the next thing Elizabeth knew, she was listening to her husband offer their family anytime he needed one.


	3. Chapter 3

** 2012 **

Elizabeth led Henry and the kids through the crowds of families gathered on the campus for the graduation ceremony. “He said he’d meet us this way.” After the weekend she’d learned Blake’s mom had died, he’d slowly become a part of their family. Henry had never asked why Blake was so important, and it became so much easier to dream he was her lost son when she got to openly treat him as her adopted one.

“There he is!” Henry was beaming already as he took the lead closing the space, pulling Blake into a hug. “Another degree in the family.” He laughed. “You should go for your doctorate and then we’ll all have one.”

“I- I’ll think about it.” Blake evaded, used to Henry’s teasing on the subject by now. “Let’s see what kind of job I can get with this one first.” He turned and welcomed the hug from Elizabeth. “My, uh, my dad decided not to come today.” He admitted.

She pulled back and looked up at him. He had never admitted what the problem was between he and his father, but she was aware it was something he thought about frequently. Rubbing his back affectionately, she started leading the whole family to the seating area. “That’s okay, we’re here to cheer for you, right guys?” She looked back at the kids.

=MS=

Sipping her coffee, Elizabeth watched out the window at her kids goofing off outside. Her mind included Blake in that, he was laughing right along with the other three as they used water guns to beat the heat. She didn’t even make a distinction in her mind anymore between the fantasy idea of the son she’d given up and the idea of Blake being hers, the two fantasies had combined into one and it was as close to a reality as she would ever get.

“Babe, have you seen the keys to my car?” Henry wandered in, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Watching?”

“We’ve been so busy, it’s nice to have a day to just stop. And your keys are by my bag in the living room.”

“Thanks.” He pecked a kiss on her cheek. “When I get back, I’ll get the suitcases down so we can start packing.” His eyes drifted out the window, a grin crossing his face and he joked a moment. “Is our fourth child coming with us or just the three?”

Elizabeth laughed. “He starts his internship next week, no luck on getting to come on vacation.”

“Okay, tell him he’s for sure coming on the next one. Too soon Stevie will be off to college and we won’t have many chances to do real family trips again.”


	4. Chapter 4

** 2014 **

Riding into DC with the last of their stuff, Elizabeth stared out the window as Henry drove. She was exhausted and apprehensive about taking the job, but Conrad had kept insisting she would do well at it. Blake had been just finishing up his internship and when she’d approached him with an offer to help her as her assistant, he’d laughed. It had taken about as much convincing to get him to come to DC as it had for Conrad to get her there, so she’d decided it was only fair. Her mind had supplied that at least three of her four kids, because Blake was as good as her son now, would be moving to DC with her. The past four years had given her the privilege of watching him succeed on his studies as he began to make a name for himself under her tutelage. She’d told him more than once that he had real potential to make waves and change the world, so it made sense to her that he could bring those skills to DC, the epicenter of where those changes happened.

From thinking about Blake, who’d found a place already close enough to the Truman that he wouldn’t need to worry about having to get around in his own car very often, her mind wandered as it sometimes did to Yousif. She turned to Henry. “I wonder if this means I’ll be able to arrange to see Yousif.” She knew she didn’t bring him up almost ever, had never explained to Henry the extent of their high school relationship.

“Uhh... Maybe? You haven’t talked to him in years, have you?”

“Almost twenty, Stevie was tiny. Life is so crazy, you know? He and I were inseparable in high school and now it’s been two decades?” She offered up without further clarification.

“I know. There are guys I was in the Marines with that I go years without talking to, but then we pick up like it’s never been a day.” He reached across for his wife’s hand. “You two were really close though, weren’t you?”

“Yeah.” She felt guilty for never telling him just how close, but so much time had passed that she yearned to give him just a little. “We dated I guess for a few months. We were kids, but we thought it was serious. That was our senior year. It was fun and at the time I believed it could be forever, but now I know it was nothing compared to what we have.” She squeezed his hand. “Not to mention the reality was we never would’ve been allowed to be together, not with his status as the Crown Prince of Bahrain.”

“They get a bit picky about that, yes.”

For the rest of the ride into the city, she let the memories of her senior year flood back. The nights on the dorm roof, the sneaking around when they thought they were invincible and would own the world one day. It’d seemed half crazy, but here they were now, he was the Crown Prince and she was Secretary of State. Couldn’t get a whole lot closer to owning the world if they tried.

=MS=

Sitting behind her large desk, Elizabeth took a moment to wonder exactly what the hell she’d let herself get talked into. She was so far out of her depth, her staff hated her, and she had no idea how to find her footing. The only bright spot so far was that she had Blake with her all day, though he was acting stiff and formal, which was proving a hard thing to get used to. She called him into her office and asked him to shut the door, addressing at least one issue that she could tackle. “You act like we haven’t known one another for four years, Blake.”

He blinked at her before sagging somewhat and slinking to a chair before her desk. Turning instantly into the young man she knew. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want your career with State to be marred by rumors if I appeared to know you too well.”

“I get that.”

“It’s not like I can get away with jokingly calling you mom without starting a major incident. If it’s any consolation, it’s weird for me too. It feels like I’m acting like a different person all day.”

She sighed. “I guess we both have things to get used to then.”

“Once we both settle in, I’m sure we will work out a balance.” She heard him reassure her. She could only hope he was right.

=MS=

It nearly a year and when she finally got to catch up with Joey, it wasn’t under the circumstances she’d hoped. Blake had escorted Yousif into her office and then had let them catch up, shutting them in as he departed. Elizabeth had a moment where an odd feeling struck her that she was in the room with the father of her child and the poor, unaware young man who she’d cast as a surrogate in her mind to fill the hole that still lingered in her heart. She caught Joey studying her and tipped her head in question.

“You look good, Lizzie. I was just amused to see you mother your staff.” He smiled.

“Not all of them; just Blake really. His mother died a few years back and Henry and I kind of adopted him a little.”

“Ah.”

Her voice lowered. “You know… He’s about the same age as our son.”

That seemed to startle him, and she watched as he looked to the door and then back to her, he seemed to be working something out. “I never really thought about how much time had passed.”

“I know. Do you ever doubt whether we did the right thing or not? Some days I think about it; about what my life would’ve turned out like. What he’s turned out like. Is he happy, does he wonder about us?”

Yousif sighed. “Honestly? I don’t really ever think about it.”

That hit her hard, that he didn’t think about their son and she flinched away, missing the look in his eyes that would’ve told her he was lying. “Oh. Well, I’ve never stopped thinking about it, not fully anyway. I had a picture; did you know that? A nurse gave it to me in secret.” She turned away from him. “I never told Henry. I’ve lied to him every day because I never told him what we did, what I did. Now it’s been so long, he’d never forgive me.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I want to find our son, Yousif. I want to be sure that the child we created had a good life, that we did the right thing, made the right call.”

“It was your call.”

“So, it would be my fault if he didn’t? If our son suffered?”

“He’s not our son, we knew that before he was born. He could never be our son. And what happens, huh? When you find him, if you do, and he learns his father is really the next in line for the throne in Bahrain and his mother is America’s top diplomat? What if he resents you for being cast out? What if he wants something as penance? You can’t open that door and not expect that he won’t want something. Imagine when it hits the news. Our son would never be able to honestly love you after what you did. There’s too much to gain for him and it would risk both our lives.” Elizabeth didn’t even realize he’d started shouting until she turned to find Blake had opened the door to check that everything was okay. He’d clearly caught some of the words Yousif had said and had already started piecing together the implications.

“Blake.” She gasped.

“I- I’m sorry, Ma’am. I was just- I’ll go.” He rushed out, shutting the door again.

“Does he know you only care for him because of this? If you found your son, would he be cast aside because you are done with him? Do you really believe Henry will stand by you?”

“I need you to leave.” She finally answered after a long minute of silence. “Go.”

He left the door standing open when he did and moments later, Blake was hesitantly peeking in.

“Come in. Shut the door.” She sank onto the couch, leaning back and closing her eyes. “I’m guessing you want an explanation.”

“You own me nothing.”

“Yes, I do. And then I need to go home and come clean with Henry as well. It’s long past time.”

“Ma’am.” He started.

“No. Not ma’am right now. This is just Elizabeth.” She sighed. “I went to boarding school with him, that was true. We dated and in my senior year, I got pregnant. No one at school knew and then that summer I had a boy who was adopted off somewhere.” She swallowed. “I spent a lot of years dreaming about my life with him, I was always half caught in a fantasy that he was with me still, growing up alongside the other kids. And then I… And then I met you and I realized you were about the right age, so I started fantasizing that this awesome student in my class was that son of mine. I’m sorry.”

“Wait… So, everything you ever did for me was because you pretended I was someone else?”

She’d always feared how Henry would react to the news she was going to come clean about today. She’d never once considered how anyone else, Blake included, might react. “I- I’m sorry, Blake. It wasn’t to hurt you. You were in that class and you reminded me so much of Joey when we were kids and… It felt harmless. It was one semester. I didn’t expect to really like you and for you to stick around.” She had to choke back tears. “I wanted so bad for you to be mine. Not just for you to be him, but for you to be you. The you I got to learn about over all this time.”

He backed up several steps. “I’m sorry. I can’t… I can’t even wrap my head around this.” He turned and walked out.

Alone, Elizabeth felt herself break just a little bit more.

=MS=

“Henry?” She called out as she entered the house. The tears had only barely stopped as they’d pulled up at the house. She’d already had two men storm out on her today and she had a sinking feeling in her gut that the trend would continue. She headed straight for her desk and searched for the little polaroid photo.

“I wasn’t expecting you home so early, Babe. What’s wrong?”

“Please sit down.” She swallowed back the next tears. “Something happened at work today and I need to tell you… I need to tell you something about me I’ve never shared before today.” Bracing herself, she handed him the picture.

He stared at it a minute; it was clearly old. “Who’s this?”

“Yousif and I… we dated in high school. We had to keep it all a secret, but I got pregnant.”

He seemed to start to put it together. “This is… This is your baby?”

She nodded. “A little boy. I never saw him in person, they took him away the second he was born. A nurse snuck me that.”

“Woah. I don’t even… Why are you telling me this now?”

“I asked Yousif if he thought about our son and we fought. He um, he said something Blake overheard and things kind of fell apart from there.”

“Talk to me.”

“I figured out that Blake was only a few months younger than our son while he was in that first class. By then I already liked him as a student, so I started dreaming he was… that baby. My son. I wanted to keep him close and it seemed like fate aligned to have excuses to do that. He was a start student and you didn’t question me being proud of him, then his mother died, and you welcomed him into our family. You didn’t question anything.”

“So, all these years, you hid this from me. And then all this time you’ve…” He stood. “I need to think.”

“Please! Please don’t walk out? I’ve already had two people storm away today; I can’t handle another.”

“I’m not walking away for good, but I need time., Elizabeth. If you’d been honest with me years ago, I would’ve understood. And I kind of get hiding who the father was, but you could’ve given me something. And you did this to Blake? Strung him along, pretended he was someone else? How could you hurt him like that? This whole family thing goes all ways, Elizabeth. I’m all in on him being part of it, but I’m not pretending he’s someone else. And Blake-” He tossed his hands in the air. “The kid sat and watched his mother die, remember that? He must be a mess right now.” He went for his coat.

“I didn’t mean to!”

“You didn’t mean to.” He shook his head. “You need to deal with this. You need to see someone. I’m going to go track down Blake and check on him.”

The door slammed shut and Elizabeth jumped. Tears began slipping down her face. A moment of selfishness and she’d destroyed so much.


	5. Chapter 5

** 2017 **

“Henry?” Elizabeth nervously looked up at her husband from where she was seated at her vanity.

“Yeah, Babe?”

“Is he going to really be okay with me coming?” She twisted her hands together.

Everything had fallen apart as her first year in office had come to a close three years earlier. Yousif relied on his staff for any official communication needed between their two countries. There was no non-official communication to be made.

Henry hadn’t needed long to wrap his head around her confession, he understood the reasons behind giving the child up, that didn’t bother him at all; and he understood, but was hurt, about her never sharing about it. Most of his hurt, though, came from a feeling that maybe she never really trusted him fully. He’d found he was more upset by how everything had changed their relationship with Blake, and he’d worked hard to regain some of what had been lost.

The kids had been shocked but didn’t understand the depth of what she’d done and had quickly put it out of their minds. Elizabeth, however, had had to let go of Blake, who’d decided he couldn’t trust her enough to work for her anymore. No one at the office ever dared ask about the day he’d quietly cleared out his desk while she’d remained shut away in her office hiding the tears. As the years went by, anything she knew of him was through Henry, who maintained a relationship with him. Anything until today.

Today, Blake was getting his Doctorate and she and Henry were attending the ceremony. His father had died two years ago and, despite all she’d put them through, he was still theirs and she was hopeful that the invite meant at least a small part of him felt they were still his too.

“He specifically said ‘You and Elizabeth are invited’, Babe. He wants you there.”

She nodded. “I haven’t seen him since…god, how long’s it been?”

“When he and I went for drinks probably last summer.” Blake had dropped by the house first before they’d gone out.

“Right.” She finished putting on earrings and stood up. “Think I look okay?”

“You look fine.” He studied her. “You’re nervous?”

“It’s been three years, Henry. I haven’t had a single conversation with him since then. Yeah, I’m nervous. I don’t want to find out he still hates me.”

“I don’t think he ever hated you, Babe.” He put his hands out to pull her close. “He just needed time.”

=MS=

After the ceremony, Elizabeth kept swiping tears away as they waited for Blake to come through the crowd.

“There he is.” Henry spotted him first, stepping forward to give Blake a hug. “Doctor Moran. Finally. Now the doctor jokes will be even better.”

Blake laughed and then glanced Elizabeth’s way, suddenly looking unsure of himself. “Elizabeth.”

“I’m really proud of you.” She got out before another tear escaped. When he stepped forward and wrapped her in a hug, she hugged him back as hard as she could. “I’m so sorry.” She whispered.

“I know. And I’m sorry too.” He pulled back. “And if you’ll still have me, I’d like to get back that position of being your son.”

She laughed in surprise. “You never lost that one, Blake.”

“In that case, I’d like to start acting like it again.”

“Of course.” She patted his arms before backing away. “Henry said something about going out to eat to celebrate.”

“Only if he’s paying.” Blake joked. “I don’t start my new job for another few weeks.”

Elizabeth looked up and saw a smile playing at his lips. “What job is this?”

“I used some of my connections and I got my foot in the door on the advisory team at the White House. I called Nadine who asked around and then made some calls on my behalf, then one nerve-wracking sit-down with Russell Jackson, but I’ll at least be able to do some good.”

Her eyes lit up. “You’ll be around then. I’ll see you sometimes.”

He nodded. “Yes. And Russell’s already threatened that since I know you so well, it’ll be me he sends to intermediate issues with State.”

“And you’re okay with that? Working with me on occasion?”

He thought a moment and then nodded. “Yes. I think I am.”


End file.
